Horray for Japanese Toilets!!!

I have a confession to make.  I just spent 10 minutes in the bathroom... and didn't even use the bathroom.  What's more is this:  I spent 10 minutes on the toilet and didn't even use the toilet.  Thank you Japanese person who invented the bidet!  

Now hold on, don't get carried away.  Let me explain the situation before you start to judge.  On the less-often occasion that I decided to study Japanese, the coffee shop, Flore, which I usually hit up on the late night, was closed (being that it's Wednesday here, which for some reason means EVERYTHING is closed).  Needless to say, I chose to venture out to the library, an unfamiliar spot recommended by my study partner.  "I haven't been there since I pretended to study in college," I say, as we walk in.  It's a beautiful building, built in the past five years, equipped with three floors of quiet, study-friendly goodness.  We make our way to the second floor and get down to business.  I get my ipod out, throw on some Dvorak jams and get to it.  

After about 1/2 an hour, it's getting toasty in the building and my nose starts doing this funny thing where it acts like it has a cold and begins running for no good reason.  I'm not sure why it does this because I know I'm not sick.  My mom might tease, "maybe it's because your nose takes up so much mass, that the snot feels inadequate and is just trying to be heard."  I chuckle to myself and since I don't have any tissues, I decide I need a break anyway.  

I see the "male icon" for the bathroom and walk in.  I'd forgotten I was in Japan for a slight moment until I'm immediately reminded when the automatic lights turned on upon my arrival.  They suddenly illuminate the sweet, smelling toilet room as if a beautifully, soothing voice were to say, "welcome Mr. Bobrick to the downstairs library bathroom.  Make yourself at home and please, if you have time, enjoy our multi-faceted seats as they're quite comfortable."  I look around for a tissue, but I don't see one.  I decide to get some tissue paper from inside the stall instead and as soon as I open the door, the toilet opened it's heart to me.... Without touching anything, the seat magically rose as if to greet my awe-inspiring presence.  If I would have known this was going to happen, I would have uttered some commands like, "the great Kyle is here, now rise to show your loyalty.... Ah yes, you are very loyal."

After I blew my nose, I couldn't find a trash can, plus the seat had risen just for me, so I threw it in there.  Then, the deciphering moment came when I was forced to make a choice: either go back to my mundane Japanese studies, or explore the oh-so-welcoming seat, knowing that I would not actually be using it.  Of course we both know what I did.  I looked at all the crazy buttons on the wall, turned to close the door behind me and sat down.  

Of all the things I could do, can you guess what I did first??  If you live here, you have a better chance and getting this question right... Of course I turned on the seat warmer!  Wouldn't you?  After all, if I'm going to be here a while, I might as well get cosy!  Then, after scanning the buttons for kanji characters I knew, I decide to go with the bidet squirt.  Now some of you might question my decision to go with the bidet this early in the game, however, I would disagree.  I knew it was there from previous experiences so I felt comfortable picking it.  It was nice.

Then, after grazing over many other kanji characters I didn't know, I ran across one that caught my attention.  FIRE!  What???  Why do they have fire on here?  What would be the purpose of fire in a toilet??  Of all the things in this world to have near that region of your body, I'm pretty sure fire is number one on most people's lists to NOT have nearby.  Then, I realized this kanji meant water.  Oh, nice.  I'm down with some water.  Although the bidet is water too, this was more of a spray, and plus, you could adjust the temperature!  So that was nice too.  

Then, finally, I decide to simmer down get back to my studies.  As I rise up, I realize out of all these buttons I don't know where "flush" is.  I search around the seat, on the wall, and finally, a giant sign posted with a big red arrow pointing down to it, leads me to believe that this is the one.  I press the button and with a swift, "swoosh" our time came to an end.  I lower the seat and commend it's loyalty once again.  I feel like saying thank you but after realizing that words had no true understanding of the experience, I say goodbye in silence.  However, the memory will live on forever and now my bum feels nice.

The Bento

The infamous Bento Box.  Take a good look because this is the real deal.  A beautifully orchestrated box of assorted Japanese cuisine, waiting to be meticulously pursued.  Though some might think this is merely a box-lunch, I maintain a strong argument against this simple assessment.  The Bento is much more than that, it's, a way of life...well, maybe not that extreme, but if nothing else, it does have an increasingly, intriguing dynamic...

When first being introduced to the Bento Box, it's easy to dive right in, head first and gobble up everything in your path because let's face it, the average situation where you are eating bento boxes is often after a hard morning of work.  Now, in my particular situation, the students and teachers alike eat the school lunch every day.  This usually consists of four food groups: fish or some kind of meat, rice or bread, soup and a side salad... or a side of little fish babies usually eaten by every other teacher, and guiltily thrown away by myself.  Therefore, when we are graced with the presence of the Bento, it's usually on a special occasion where all of the teachers will be eating together.  Thus begins the Bento bonanza... 

Step 1: Don't eat the most delicious thing in the box first.  You're better than that.   When you see a familiar looking food, like the small piece of fried chicken or the tasty, solidified egg that you eat in sushi restaurants, you can't fly in there out of control and knock out all of your best players before the game has even started.  Those are your boys!  And besides, that's poor management.  I cannot stress how important it is to save those go-to pieces for later. They will prove to come in handy when you need to mask the taste of an strange, white pellet that you mistook for a small potato.  

Step 2: Ration your rice.  You will have an abundance of this stuff, but don't be lavish with the amount, as it goes very quickly.  Again, you will inevitably run into tastes that you are unfamiliar with, which may cause gagging and/or spitting up.  You may harken back to your days as a toddler when you simply regurgitated unknown substances into your lap and began to cry.  In this case, you don't have to spit up anything! Instead, simply dive into your rice, and use it as a neutralizer for any unwanted tastes.  

Step 3: Constantly poke and prod.  If you are unsure of what something is, which is mostly everything in front of you, poke at it with your chopsticks.  Sometimes poke it twice.  This way, you can gauge the texture, which is very important in the world of food.  Based on whether or not it's soft, hard or slimy, you can determine how then to proceed.  Plus, if you poke into the middle of something and either gooey stuff or orange fish eggs pour out, then you won't be startled later when that egg sac explodes in your mouth.... Remember, food surprises are usually bad surprises.

And the final step: Try everything.  It really isn't as bad as you might think... I'm referring of course to the eye balls and tails that you would normally cast aside back home.  They may be crunchy, but isn't that why you came here?   To experience the crunchy texture of another culture?!  After all, it's not going to kill you... In fact, it should serve as an opposite effect, seeing as how Japanese people eat this food often and they have the 2nd highest life expectancy rate in the world! (Whereas the United States sits at 30th).  Therefore, crunch on those tentacles, slurp up those eggs and for sushi's sake, don't forget to save your rice!

Now, although this may have taken the shape of a warning, more or less, for Western food connoisseurs, it should be noted that I have grown to love Japanese cuisine, not only for it's petit portions, but also for it's array of flavors and effective use of each essential food group within the Eastern Asian area.  However, my painful breakup with greasy, American food has given me difficulties in adjusting to my new diet, which, don't get me wrong is really nice and has a great personality, but let's face it, she'll never be as hot as the former.  That being said, I'm proud to admit that the Bento Box is happily making it's way into my food love life, one grain at a time.